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Central High School



Sometimes I hear things so funny I have to pass them along, and that is what I do on this page. I post ridiculous emails, amusing stories, links to videos, and even one-liner jokes. If I can attribute them to someone, I will, but I'll post them even if no one knows who created them.

Give me your funniest material, and I'll put it here too!

 

More crazy pictures
The favorite part of this page continues to be the crazy mind bending power point linked below. Here's another crazy one, and then another. Check out this fella's range of crazy collections here.

 

 

 
 

Opening Day Video
Here's that video I shared on the first day of school. Hope you enjoyed it.

 


Parody of Political Ads
Okay, so I’m a radio geek. But other people think these things are funny too (like my radio geek brother-in-law). My wife caught this one on Marketplace (on the radio, not a podcast - what a crazy way to consume media) and told me to find it because she knew I’d find it hysterical. Of course, she didn’t have to overextend to predict that, since when I did work in radio as an afternoon announcer, I ran for governor of South Dakota. I had advertisements and everything. I even delivered an attack speech with fake crowd noise.
 

Funny Movie Trailer Parody
While perusing The Movie Blog, I discovered a very funny movie-trailer. Remember the term parody.

 

Optical Illusions
This came to me as an email attachment, so here it is for you. I can't look at it too long because it makes me dizzy. Click on the illusion below.

Quantas Repair Report
"Brevity is the soul of wit" - so gripe sheets are a perfect place to display that skill.

          
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
           Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

One-liners
Ever need a witty comment? If you can remember some of these one-liners, they'll come in handy.

  • "Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you
    can get rid of him for the entire weekend."

  • "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight of them to pull a sled
    through the snow."

  • "I always wanted to be the last guy on earth just to see if all those women
    were lying to me."

  • "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need
    it."

  • "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters
    will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare.  Now, thanks to the
    Internet, we know that this is not true."
     

Quality Simile
I read the following sign in Bob's Shoe Repair on Main Street in Rapid City.

Buying quality is like buying oats. If you want good, clean oats, you're going to have to pay for them. But if you want oats that have already been through the horse . . . well, they'll cost less.

Voice-Overs
Ever wonder about those voice-over guys who do all the movie-trailers? If you want to know the truth and promise to make fun of your teacher only a little, I'll admit that I still have a desire to work as a voice-over guy. Anyway, that dream is why this trailer for a Seinfeld movie may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen.                               

The Profane Parrot
I received this story in an email from my mom right before Thanksgiving - I am trying to incorporate it into some sort of classroom management strategy.

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,  the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"


Thanksgiving jokes

Question: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?

                Answer: Plymouth Rock!

Question: What side of the turkey has the most feathers?

               Answer: the outside!