Sometimes I hear things so funny I have to pass them
along, and that is what I do on this page. I post ridiculous emails,
amusing stories, links to videos, and even one-liner jokes. If I can attribute them to
someone, I will, but I'll post them even if no one knows who created
them.
Give me your funniest material, and I'll put it here
too!
More crazy pictures The favorite part of this page continues to be the crazy mind
bending power point linked below. Here's
another
crazy one, and then
another. Check out this
fella's range of crazy collections here.
Opening Day Video
Here's that video I shared on the first day of school. Hope you
enjoyed it.
Parody of Political Ads Okay, so I’m a radio geek. But other people think these
things are funny too (like my radio geek brother-in-law). My wife
caught
this one on Marketplace (on the radio, not a podcast - what a
crazy way to consume media) and told me to find it because she knew
I’d find it hysterical. Of course, she didn’t have to overextend to
predict that, since when I did work in radio as an afternoon
announcer, I ran for governor of South Dakota. I had advertisements
and everything. I even delivered an attack speech with fake crowd
noise.
Optical Illusions This came to me as an email attachment, so here it is for
you. I can't look at it too long because it makes me dizzy. Click on
the illusion below.
Quantas
Repair Report "Brevity is the soul of wit" - so gripe sheets are a perfect
place to display that skill.
After every
flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which
tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
One-liners Ever need a witty comment? If you can remember some of
these one-liners, they'll come in handy.
"Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a
man to fish and you
can get rid of him for the entire weekend."
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight of them
to pull a sled
through the snow."
"I always wanted to be the last guy on earth just to see
if all those women
were lying to me."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove
you don't need
it."
"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million
typewriters
will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks
to the
Internet, we know that this is not true."
Quality Simile I read the following sign in Bob's Shoe Repair on Main
Street in Rapid City.
Buying quality is like buying oats. If
you want good, clean oats, you're going to have to pay for them. But if
you want oats that have already been through the horse . . . well,
they'll cost less.
Voice-Overs Ever wonder about those voice-over guys who do all the
movie-trailers? If you want to know the truth and promise to make fun of
your teacher only a little, I'll admit that I still have a desire to
work as a voice-over guy. Anyway, that dream is why this
trailer
for a Seinfeld movie may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
The Profane Parrot I received this story in an email from my mom right
before Thanksgiving - I am trying to incorporate it into some sort of
classroom management strategy.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word
out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for
over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened
the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate
transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my
rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior,
the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
Thanksgiving jokes
Question: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?
Answer:
Plymouth
Rock!
Question: What side of the turkey has the most feathers?